Nostalgic

Ok, I just checked my posts for the year of 2014 and there are only 3. That’s really quite unacceptable considering how I had originally planned to write every day. I mean it was a lofty goal but I don’t think I’ve even stuck to once a week lately! Bad on my part.

Recently, I’ve been feeling really nostalgic and thinking about home a lot. Maybe it’s the passing of Chinese New Year without any real celebration or the lack of Cantonese and Mandarin I’ve been missing, but a few days ago at work, I was inclined to build a playlist on Spotify revolving around the few Chinese (and Korean Pop) songs I know. My strange hunt for things relating to Chinese culture spurred a friend to question why I was so into “Asian shit” all of the sudden.

It shouldn’t be a surprise, right? An Asian girl who’s interested in Asian things? But sadly, the generations of Chinese Americans that are born and raised in the US are not nearly as engrossed in the Asian culture as we’d like to believe.

A friend posted this article on Facebook and while I read through the article I realized that there were so many things to relate to. We carry the burden of being two halves to create a whole – there’s no denying that I’m glad and happy to be an American but in no way do I ever leave my Chinese ethnicity and culture out of defining my self.

I’m extremely lucky that I never had to deal with any of the stereotypes or bullying that many ABCs (American Born Chinese) grow up with but I can relate to the author when she talks about losing her Chinese. I grew up going to Mandarin Chinese school every Saturday until I graduated from high school. Saturday mornings consisted of waking up at 8:00 in the morning to sit through 4 hours of Chinese instruction and let’s face it, I was a goody two shoes. Not only did I have to be the best in regular school because of my Asian pride (really it just was regular pride, being Asian had nothing to do with it), I had to be the top of my class at Mandarin school because that’s where it mattered. Students that came from the same background as I did, and some of them that even spoke Mandarin at home while I spoke Cantonese, were my competition and I loved it. I learned Mandarin partially because my parents wanted me to and partially because it was another thing to excel at. Looking back, I’m so glad I had that opportunity to pick up another language.

While scrolling through Chinese songs on Spotify, I was surprised at how wide the selection of songs was. I went through and picked out the songs I remembered listening to: songs I had learned at Chinese school, ones I had been introduced to by friends, ones that I had grown up listening to in the car and just never figured out the names of. I played through them multiple times and was surprised at myself because I could still sing along to so many of the familiar tunes and lyrics. I was relieved that my Chinese hadn’t completely left me and that I at least had a little bit of “culture” left in me.

I’m more than happy to call myself an ABC. I get the best of both worlds – an enriching culture that followed my parents here from Hong Kong and citizenship to one of the best countries in the world (USA, USA!). I just hope that as I go along conducting all my phone calls in English, that my Chinese never fades and that I’m able to be the combination of both.